Let's be honest: all of the last Impala's sins in cylinders, drive wheels, and engineering put together didn't add up to half the offense of its appearance. Good god, we're talking about a car so ugly, Toyota Camrys hung around it to boost their self-esteem.
But surgery solves everything, and the 2006 Impala has emerged from the knife drastically easier on the eyes. Credit the cleaned-up face, the sharp Euro taillights, the meatier wheels, or the body's redrawn cutlines, but there's no denying it: the new Impala is Hollywood handsome. Especially in black.
I can't say it got the attention some might hope for, though. Only two individuals took notice of me: a grown man in a Beetle convertible (if you can imagine) mockingly challenging me to drag, and a hopelessly bored cop who felt the need to pull this innocent citizen over for doing 60 in a 50. That's the problem with a car whose exhaust note announces your presence a mile early.
Just as remarkable is the Impala's inner transformation. It's impossible to track all the improvements over last year's unbelievably misshapen mess of a cockpit, but we can try. The steering wheel is now a right-sized four-spoker with far more logical buttons. The stereo and climate controls are both improved in form and function, now match in style, and now live together as a unit. The shifter shed that loose leather teepee, the exposed screws are gone, the window switches are less likely to kill kids, the trunk release is easier to reach, the cupholders are more flexible, the glovebox got extra footage, the seats and console look and feel better, the lettering on every display looks cleaner, we've got three 12V power plugs now, and on it goes.
Still due for a tweak or two: the shallow cupholders, the map pocket with no map room, the unlabeled shifter, the door locks that imprison you when shifting out of Park, and the silly speedometer with glowing MPH and KM/H labels but only one set of numbers. And the motions of all moving parts could stand to feel more expensive. Lastly, it'd be nice if the Active Fuel Management had a more obvious indicator instead of being buried deep down in one of the trip computer's seven screens, where the readout simply switches between "8CYL" and "4CYL." But by and large, this interior works.
Standing in the way of full enjoyment was the eerie feeling I'd been here before. Did anyone notice how most of those Road Test observations are vaguely reminiscent of Buicks? Well, nothing vague here: this is almost the exact same cabin used in the Buick Lucerne, right down to the same gauge layout, same dash cutouts, same steering wheel (except the Impala's doesn't telescope), same GM corporate ratio, nearly identical climate controls and vents, same flat seats... Brand differentiation is a long time coming.
But back to function. The spacious front seats now have comfortably padded armrests and more backward travel than any car I can remember. The leather feels fine. On a long-distance trip, the driver's seat caused me the least back pain among all GM cars so far. The passenger finds new protection in an auto-off air bag, and both bags are now the dual-force type. The OnStar system is now Generation 6 and Chevrolet offers its remote-entry start option for warming the engine and cooling the cabin.
The back seat marks another night-and-day difference. Last year's Impala achieved Large Car measurements, but did so the cheap and easy way: by truncating the cushion and gluing it to the floor. The 2006 Impala now has a real bench made for real humans - three of them - and it's high, long, firm, and set at the perfect recline. Even the three (fixed) head restraints are comfortable, and the back portions flip-and-fold effortlessly. The front chairs could use more footroom scooped out underneath and legroom seems kind of mid-size-ish, but five folks have never been happier in an Impala as now.
The strut-suspended trunk has always been unabashedly full-size, and with 18.6 cubic feet, so it remains. The opening's a bit wider now.
Like most 2006 GM cars, the Impala enjoys an audio overhaul. Though many features aren't standard, all models get six speakers, a friendly head unit, and an Aux input jack for portable players; most can also play MP3 discs right out of the box. Just one thing: GM's inexplicable habit of turning to a different supplier for the "premium" audio upgrade on every car has resulted in the Impala's blatty Bose blasters getting blown away by superior Pioneers in the half-priced Cobalt. The Chevrolet hierarchy needs maintenance.
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